


all i know is that i'm lost whenever you go

by orphan_account



Series: everybody knows the fight was fixed [2]
Category: Barry (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Graphic Description, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's two minutes to curtain when Barry calls her. Obviously she answers, and it's with a furious, "Where are you?"The others all go quiet, and she feels- empowered, a little. "It's two minutes until we're on, where the fuck-" And she cuts herself off, because she thinks she hears, on the other end-And there again, a tiny hitched sob.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Sally Reed
Series: everybody knows the fight was fixed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590982
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this IS a vent piece. it contains a graphic suicide. if thats not your thing or could trigger you, please step away now! thanks

It's two minutes to curtain when Barry calls her. Obviously she answers, and it's with a furious, "Where are you?" 

The others all go quiet, and she feels- empowered, a little. "It's two minutes until we're on, where the fuck-" And she cuts herself off, because she thinks she hears, on the other end-

And there again, a tiny hitched sob. "Barry?" 

His voice, then, high and wavering with his tears. "I killed him, I killed him, Sally, I had to, I didn't want to kill him, he said- he said he was gonna go to the cops, and I-" 

"Barry, hey, slow down, what do you mean you  _ killed  _ him? Killed who?" She says, and she doesn't have time for this. "Barry, Jesus, where are you?" 

"I have to end it, people keep dying cuz'a me, Ryan died, Chris, I shot Chris in the head and I fucking- I walked away-" Her blood goes cold. He's crying again, now, she can hear on the phone, hear him shuffling around. "I gotta- Shit, I gotta-" 

"Barry. Barry, where are you?" She says, more urgently this time. "Where are you, I'll come get you-" 

"No," He sounds miserable. "No, no, do your- You need to do your show, I shouldn't have even called-" 

"Fuck the show, I'm coming to get you, where are you?" 

For a minute, there's just sobbing, soft and heart wrenching. "Barry?" She prompts again, and hears him inhale sharply. 

"I have to, I have to do it, Sally, I can't- They won't let me stop, I tried so much, so many times, I said I wouldn't do it but they made me, it's like-" He gasps through his sobs, "It's like Macbeth, my soul is fucked, you- You said it, I- I shot him in the head and made it look like a suicide, I-" 

"Barry! Barry, tell me where you are!" 

She hears more shuffling, and then he takes an inhale. "I called- I called to say goodbye, um, because I think you're- You're really great, and," The rest of the class has closed in on her. "Everyone has been great- Noho Hank has been great, and, and Gene, Gene's great, you're all great, and I'm in love with you, so…" 

"Barry! Barry, stop, just come to the theater, it'll be okay, just, Barry, please-" 

The gunshot over the phone is loud enough that everyone flinches back. 

"Barry?" She whispers, into the silence. 

There's no reply. 

Barry Berkman is declared dead at 3.43am the following morning by the LAPD. It is a suicide. The acting class puts the show on hold.


	2. Chapter 2

Or. 

Barry Berkman does not get found until six days later, by one Sally Reed, because he does not call her during the act, or because she does not pick up.

This is how that scene goes: 

Sally opens the unlocked door. "Barry?" She calls warily, stepping through the door. It's very Barry. An armchair, a coffee table piled with notes and scripts and more notes, and, to her shock, a loaded glock. It sits there as innocently as the other items, but it holds a weight.

Why would Barry have a loaded gun? Of all people?

She pokes through his things, feeling mildly guilty, but there's not much to see. The bathroom is just as dull as the living room, with a shaving razor and a toothbrush on the sink, some body wash in the shower cubicle. 

She nudges open the door to the bedroom and what hits her first is the smell. It's the smell of something  _ dead. _ The second thing that hits her is the sight of Barry sitting on the far side of the bed with his head slumped to the side.

_ Drunk, _ is her first thought, even though Barry hasn't had more than a single beer in all the time she's known him. "Barry?" She says, her voice light. "You awake over there?" 

And she rounds the corner.

And screams. 

(Either way, Barry Berkman exits his apartment building not breathing.) 


End file.
